How Not to End a Story of Intrigue

Psssssst – the answers are in italics

Education Secretary Nicky Morgan would seem to make mistakes faster than her predecessor Michael Gove but they are neck in neck as disasters. Nicky, who would seem to have a sunny disposition compared with Gove’s pompous poo face, is really the same in arrogant incompetence.

On the face of it, we can group education decisions by the pair of these into a singular – if you excuse the paradox – ‘two fingers gesture’ to students, teachers and parents. It all paints a familiar despairing picture of nastiness and ineptitude.

And Morgan is not a fluffy kitten when it comes to mistakes. She would no doubt try to distance herself from the latest Education error, and she can only be ironically thanked for presiding over the DfE leaking of KS1 Spelling Test papers. Ironic because it is like making a Saturday a holiday off from work: the tests have already in many cases been done as the sample they were intended to be, or they are expected to be done with no hope whatsoever of achieving their intended purpose. It is like making sweets laced with laxatives, or baking a birthday cake with exploding candles, to give to the nation’s children.

Morgan knew these tests were useless anyway, or she should have done. They exist like all the others simply as a model of measuring over actual teaching and learning: a whale full of blubber as a deceit for substance. They exist to cause a world full of pain for students, teachers and parents who are force-fed their fatuous fat.

The DfE drafters hurried out a dismissive deflection that the leaked tests were not really important anyway, like pulling each petal from a flower to destroy the evidence. It is a rainbow of deception across the blackest sky.

And then we all woke up in a peaceful bed surrounded by our teddies and this fantastical tale was just a dream……


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